A Honeymoon Video

It's been almost a year, but I finally managed to whittle my honeymoon pictures down into a ten minute video that could be posted on YouTube.  I can't believe that I am going to miss going back this year.  No flying for me at that point.  I guess I will just have to pretend.  If you need a quick little vacation from work...

Everything Changes

Just when you think you've got your life all figured out, everything changes.  Lucky for me, those changes have all been for the better.

Yvan and I are expecting a baby girl this August and we are so excited!  This isn't exactly new information.  I am already 21 weeks along.  But, I finally have the time to share.

Our lives changed the moment that test stick said "pregant."  The furniture Yvan was building for the house went from stuff for us to a crib for her.  The money I usually spend on clothes for me went to clothes for her.  The spare bedroom that still holds all my crafts supplies, Yvan's golf clubs, and a RockBand set will be cleaned out for a nursery rather than an office/spare bedroom.  Its crazy.

I've also come to the realization that I will no longer have a Christmas.  It shrunk exponentially when my nephew, Jhett, arrived and will I'm sure shrink again when this holiday rolls around.  But, I'm okay with that.  The things I wanted and needed a year ago, no longer matter.  My days are spent decorating her nursery in my head and pinning things like a fool on Pinterest.  Most of my pins are recipe related, but that is beside the point.

Here is brief recap to get everyone caught up on the last 6 months or so.

We bought a house and are still in the process of redecorating said house.  I was completely overwhelmed with work.  Between varsity gymnastics, middle school gymnastics and middle school cheer, I though I would drown.  I might have.  Still not real sure.  We found out about our little girl Thanksgiving weekend and managed to keep it a secret until Christmas.  We kept our fingers crossed that mom wouldn't blow the secret before I got to the 12 week mark.  She didn't.  Not really anyway.  My belly got bigger.  Yvan broke his hip but is healing up perfectly and should go back to his dream job in a few weeks.  Mom, Granny Stella and Aunt Janel all went with me for my 18 week sonogram.  Mom started screaming when the technician pointed out the little crease that meant I would be having a girl.  The closet stocking started that day.  My belly got bigger.  Yvan, who had been team boy, was more excited about a little girl than he expected to be and has also enjoyed shopping for her.  Spring break couldn't have come at a better time.  I got spend time with whole family and had lots of fun chasing after Jhett.  That kids doesn't walk anywhere, but all it takes is one "kiki" to get me to follow along.  My belly got bigger.

That pretty much gets us all caught up.  I'm sure there will be lots more changes before my little girl arrives and I am so ready for the challenge...if not the belly growing.  :)

Sienna Rose Jayne is expected to make her debut on August 3, 2012.

Boot Camp Butt Kick

On Saturday morning, I woke up to the incredibly annoying sound my phone makes when it is trying to wake me up.  There are a lot of sounds I can sleep right through.  TV, music, thunder and traffic are a few examples.  Why don't I just change it?  Because, then I wouldn't get up to hit snooze or turn it off.  It would just keep right on beeping, playing, dinging, whatever.  As bad as it is during the week, when the incessant squawking just reminds me that I have another day of work, on Saturday morning it was my worst nightmare.  It meant that I had to get up and go to Boot Camp.

I have never been a boot camp kind of girl.  Mostly, because I was scared.  I mean, really, who actually likes to have someone in their face yelling at them while they are most likely doing something that they don't actually want to do anyway?  Then I heard about the No Teacher Left Behind program by Jay's Boot Camp.  Jay is the trainer for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.  Who wouldn't want to look like one of those girls even on their "fat" days?  Since I haven't been able to motivate myself to go to Yoga or work out on my own, I thought, "what the hell?"  I forked over $100 for a four week session which allowed me to attend as many classes at any location that I choose.  Since there are classes offered three days a week in Rockwall, it seemed perfect.

After class number 1, I came home and laid on the living room floor for 30 minutes until the nausea passed.  The next day, everything hurt.  EVERYTHING.  The day after that, it hurt even worse!  But, I attended class number 2 and repeated this process all over again.  I kind of liked it.  Class number 3, total exhaustion, but no more soreness.  In class number 4, we did so many cherry pickers, it made me want to throw away the cherries I had bought the day before.  Class number 5 made me never want to lay down again and Class number 6 brought back the nausea and pain that only bleachers can bestow upon a person.  It was great.

The instructors are great and the workouts are unbelievable.  There is no yelling.  Just words of encouragement and the right amount of push.  I've even taken a few of my workouts to school and had my varsity team do them.  When even girls half my age struggled I started to feel even better about what I had accomplished.

Do I like being sore?  No.  Do I like vomiting during my workouts?  Of course not.  Do I like it when my pants are a little less snug and my legs don't jiggle?  Heck yeah, I do.  So yes, I will keep suffering through the pain and heat.  Did I mention these classes take place outside at 7PM.  107 is HOT.

Now, I'm off to eat some Oreos and milk.  That is something worth working out for!

Worst Blogger Ever.

I could possibly be the worst blogger ever.  I have all these little things that happen or random thoughts that I want to talk about but never want to write down.  I would probably be a much better radio or talk show host, because, as my husband will tell you, I can talk about anything for any amount of time without needing any input or guidance.  Even if I don't necessarily know what I am talking about...I will still talk.  If that means making things up, so be it.

I have this innate ability to drive my husband crazy by arguing with him.  And I know everyone argues with their significant others every once in a while, but I will argue with mine even if I agree with him.  Seriously.  He will be making a point that I totally agree with but I will say something for no other reason that to challenge his perspective.  This has yet to work out well for me, but I am still unable to resist the opportunity to push his buttons a little.  Don't feel too sorry for him though.  He knows all my buttons will push them until I start flashing like some sort of computer game.

Tangents are my favorite course of direction.  That's another reason why talking is easier than writing.  I can't look back over a conversation, get irritated that it makes no sense, and then go back and change it...100 times.  Once its done, its done.  Is it always done right?  Of course not.  But it doesn't bother me when I hear craziness.  It bothers me when I try to read it.  Each of my blogs went through a minimum of two drafts before being posted.  I swear.  The sentence that you should be reading right now was erased three times and now omitted completely because I couldn't get it our correctly.

My honeymoon recaps...they are still coming.  I just have this particular way that I want to present them. Funny thing is, eventually I will give up and slap them on here.  Then I will go in and periodically update them, because they are presented the way I wanted or simply because my mood changed and I just want to change them.

I might really need to be medicated.  I promise that if everything that went through my head came out of my mouth, I would immediately be committed for observation.  If everything that came out of my mouth went down on paper, it would be one hell of a story.

A Honeymoon in Recaps

My Internet access in France was a little sketchy so posting didn't quite go as planned.  Although, if I'm being honest, I was having way too much fun to sit around and write up my recaps.  While I am sorting through my thoughts and figuring out the best way to present a magnificent three weeks in France, I have a top 10 ten list for you.

Top 10 things you may not have known about France but should.

10.  The French drive like crazy people.  If you are the least bit cautious then don't even bother getting on the road.  If, however, you have the made skills of my coworker, J-Bo, then go for it.

9.  Everything closes for lunch.  If they are open it's because they are waiting on tourists like you.

8.  Don't be surprised if, while parked on the side of the road, someone approaches you for sex.  That's how the hookers roll.  It's both legal and taxable.  And since retirement is around age sixty, some of them are older than your mom.

7.  Get comfortable with that roundabout over in Waco.  In France, that is just a plain old intersection.

6.  There is much more English here than French in the U.S.  Many locals speak English.  It is in your best interest not to talk smack thinking they don't understand.

5.  "Ooh la la" is not used in a sexual sense.  It is more like "good grief" or "geez."

4.  If you are looking for a vineyard to do some wine tasting and you miss one, don't bother turning around.  Chances are there is another one less than a mile up the road.

3.  There are a lot of bars.  However, these bars are open early in the morning and serve coffee.  We call them cafes.  Don't mistake this for a country of alcoholics.

2.  Lunch can, and in my case did, include bottles of both wine and champagne.  The statement made in point three may need to be reevaluated.

1.  One trip will never be enough.

Random Observations about Today's Teenagers

Things I witnessed or heard and totally didn't understand.

• House shoes are called house shoes for a reason.  They are meant to be worn at home.  Let's keep them there.
• Why are you offended when you pierce that and then get asked if it is a zit?  Plus, it's against dress code so you need to remove it.  No, I'm not joking.
• Nike shorts rule, but the Uggs you are wearing them with look ridiculous, especially since its 90 degrees outside.
• Eyeliner and Mascara companies (probably make-up in general) must be thriving.  I've seen girls reapply an entire day's worth of make-up at 10:30 in the morning.  I wonder what they use to get it off?
• A lot of horses have died to create the long flowing locks that are so treasured by teen girls.
• "What?" is not an actual question.  It is simply a teenager's instinctual reaction to any statement made by an adult.
• Most boys do not wash their hands.
• It's time to lose the Justin Beiber hair and while we are at it, throw in the faux mull-hawk (mullet/mohawk).
• Lay off the tanning beds.  Orange and Bronze are not the same color.
• When you take away their phone you take away their reason for living, but not their ability to whine about it.
• Reading a book to pass the time is a completely foreign concept.
• Five students were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up.  Four of them said "famous."  The other said "what?"  And it doesn't matter what they are famous for as long as it makes them rich.

Ah, to be young, naive, and totally oblivious of reality.

Little Shack of Horrors Pt. 2: The Roach Pit

Since it has been a while since my last post and in case you have forgotten.  Yvan and I rented a nightmare.  Seriously, if you stumbled into this house at night you would immediately begin looking for a guy with a mask and a chainsaw.  Its that bad.

Now, I'm no stranger to bugs, but infestations are a another story.  Yvan and I came to the house one night before we had officially moved in.  We had driven back from a rodeo and it was around 10PM.  I really don't even remember why we went there but it only took five seconds for me to tell him we weren't staying.  As soon as I flicked the switch roaches went EVERYWHERE.  I thought I would vomit.  My eyes had never seen anything like it.  To be fair, they weren't those gigantic waterbugs we normally refer to as roaches, but they were still gross.   Also, unlike most waterbugs, the light did not faze them.  There was no scampering for a dark corner or a cabinet or even the space under the fridge.  They simply continued about their business, much like some of my students after the tardy bell.  Horrified, I turned to Yvan and without even speaking, he knew what I was thinking.  No way in hell would I be sleeping there, and what did he plan to do about it.  With a Wal-Mart right down the road, we headed that way to pick up every kind of roach killer known to man.  We bought sprays, foggers, gels and bait, and immediately headed back to the house to unleash our poisons upon the invaders.  We used everything in are arsenal, saving the foggers for last and then heading back to the pest free home of my grandparents.

The next day, Yvan returned survey the damage.  I believe his exact words were, "It looks like a war zone in there."  Victory was ours.  Or so I thought.  Yvan left for Canada that weekend, and I took to unpacking.  It didn't take long to realize that roaches weren't gone. They hadn't even slightly diminished. When I opened a cabinet, they were there.  When I opened the blinds, they would fall out.  Later, I would find one in the microwave.  I quickly learned to unpack with one hand and spray with the other.  Since, it seemed that the majority of these little invaders were based in the kitchen and made my first offensive stand there.  I gelled the corners of every cabinet and counter and floor.  I sprayed each cabinet shelf in its entirety before covering it with shelf liner.  Any crack or crevice was immediately filled with gel poison.  They were not going to beat me!

Here are some fun facts I bet you didn't know about roaches.

• Heat will bring them out of hiding.  The first time I cooked in the oven, they scrambled out of the cabinet faster than I could spray them.
• Roach bait does not work.
• They learn
• One minute in a microwave is not long enough.  Yes, I found one there.  Yes, I turned the microwave on.  No, the little sucker did not die.

Roaches were not our only problem.  Due to my poisonous assault upon the kitchen, there was a lot of clean up to do.  I began the tedious chore of vacuuming the floor and counter tops.  When I put the vacuum hose behind the microwave, there was that unmistakable sound of the hose getting clogged.  My first thought, "What the hell kind of roach is big enough to clog a vacuum hose?"  Well kids, there isn't.  What is big enough to cause that kind of suction loss is a wolf spider.  I turned to turn off the vacuum and heard it hit the ground.  At first I didn't recognize it as a spider.  It was all rolled up into a little ball.  Suddenly, it flipped over and began to uncurl.  She wasn't alone.  You must be wondering how I am so sure about the sex of this nasty little creature.  Well, the hundreds of baby spiders that came flying off her back answered that question.  I immediately begin screaming and spraying.  Those babies were fast!  I think the shock of almost going through a vacuum hose paralyzed the momma because once she rolled over, she never moved.  This would not be my last encounter with an oversized momma spider.  At least Yvan was home the next time.  I had just gone to bed and being the loving husband that he is picked up the blanket that I kick off the bed every night and threw it back up top.  He jumped in the shower and I got up to take my medicine.  While walking back out of the bathroom something caught my eye on the piece of the blanket that was still on the floor.  That's right people.  Another momma, with another batch of babies.  I start yelling about the spider and without looking at what my fuss was about, Yvan just tells me to kill it.  With what?  A shotgun?  There was no spraying it this time, it was on the blanket with all its babies.  I finally pitch a big enough fit that Yvan peeks out of the bathroom to assess the situation himself.  His reaction was the same as mine.  The vacuum cleaner is our only realistic hope.  I take the nozzle off, you know, so it will fit through this time.  After making sure their are no babies trying to escape, I instruct Yvan to take the vacuum cleaner outside where it stays for almost a week.

They day I came home and Yvan said it was time to find a new place to live was music to my ears.  We found a great one a have a contract on it. That contract is now on its third fourth extension but whose counting?  That's another blog for another day.