The Counterfeit Cowgirl Does Counterfeit CrossFit

Six months ago my knowledge of CrossFit was limited.  I had read all of the horror stories and creeped on CrossFit websites to see what the fuss was all about.  It looked like something for serious athletes.

When the coaches at my school started posting workouts on the board, I would look at it and immediately jump on the elliptical.  But that wasn't getting me the results I was looking for and I was bored.  I figured, what the hell? I might as well try it out.  I am now addicted...to my own over the counter version, not the serious kind that requires a prescription.  

This is where the counterfeit part comes into play.  I don't actually go to a CrossFit gym.  I pick and choose workouts from a CrossFit website or just do whatever happens to be written on the board.  I have yet to use the weight assigned.  Honestly, I only added the ten pound bumper plates so that I could drop the bar without smashing my feet on power cleans.  Rounds for time do not exist.  It is rounds for completion.  Don't feel like rowing...find an alternative.  I have only two actual recorded times.  One my coworker timed and wrote on the board for me and the other because my husband was there and wanted a time.  

There are some skills that I do the right way.  All of those years of gymnastics make them kind of fun.  Toes to bar, kipping pull-ups and handstand walks are a breeze.  In gymnastics conditioning, "kipping" your pull-ups was considered cheating.  I was four months in before I was informed that in CrossFit unless it states "strict" anything goes.    It does not necessarily take super strength to do any of these skills.  It just takes technique from years of training.  The only time strength comes into play is when the number of reps gets out of control.  The guys all give me hell about being able to do toes to bar (with straight legs and pointed toes) and kipping pull-ups.  If they had done thousands upon thousands of them during football practice, they wouldn't have a problem either.  

Cleans, squats and deadlifts...oh my!  I have a love/hate relationship with all three.  The same goes for burpees, box jumps and wall balls.  Snatches are pure evil.  There is no love there, only hate.  

Then there are those awful "benchmark girls."  Fran led to my inability to lift my arms high enough to wash my hair or put on a shirt.  Annie introduced me to monkey butt (you can find more on that here).  Angie is a bitch.  Who in the hell thinks 100 pull-ups in a benchmark is a good idea?  And, I'm pretty sure it was Barbara that made me cry.  

I will never compete in the CrossFit games because I don't train that way.  I CrossFit because every day is different and I don't get bored or dread repeating workouts.  I CrossFit for strength and stamina.  I push myself, but not to the point of killing myself.  And okay, fine...it also helped me get my pre-baby body back.  Results like that are always worth dealing with a few benchmark bitches.

And you can call me a cheater all you want...I can still probably do more pull-ups than you.

What I Could Have Blogged About

It has been a very long time since I last posted anything on this blog.  Plenty of things have happened that I definitely could have shared.  Too be honest...I'm a little lazy.

If I was a good blogger, these would have been the blog topics that you would have read about.

• What To Expect When You Are No Longer Expecting
• Why Pinterest Makes Me Hate My Closet
• The Counterfeit Cowgirl Does Counterfeit CrossFit
• Corsica, Take Me Away
• That's Not a Sprain
• Concussion Me This
• Baby On a Plane
• On Mondays We Drink Jack
• Lost Provence
• The Truck That Got Away
• I Want To Shoot the Sheriff
• It's a Jungle Out There
• Are You Done Yet?
• Now Showing: Someecards
• That Time I Became A Vegetarian
• Beans Over the Bachelor
• So You Take Gymnastics, Huh?
• Mothers Gone Crazy
• Blame It On The Hurricane, Yeah Yeah
• The Grand Entry Should Make a Grand Exit
• Sienna The Snot Fountain
• Senioritis
• Loss of Privilege at Costco
• This Is Why I Snapchat
• But a Buccaneer Is Kinda Like a Pirate

Rather than give up something for Lent (That Time I Became A Vegetarian), I have decided to do something instead.  That something being writing on this blog.  Yes, I realize I am two weeks behind.  Yes, I will add two weeks just to make it fair to those of you who are good Catholics.

Any takers on how many of these posts will make it?  Any titles that sound the most intriguing?

Honey, I'm gonna need you to keep driving

9 weeks post baby I finally have the time and energy to write again.  Honestly, I only have the time because I'm sitting in a mandatory study hall with my cheerleaders waiting on tonight's football game to start and my daughter is at home with Yvan.  The silence is eerie.

So, my idea of what to expect during Sienna's delivery was not exactly accurate.  For some reason women love to share their delivery horror stories.  Epidurals not working, tearing, hours of pushing followed by an unplanned c-section.  I'm not sure if they realize that the last thing a first time expectant mother wants or needs to hear is the plethora of things that can go wrong.  No one ever tells you how easy it can be.  So imagine my surprise when my labor and delivery went smoothly.

The one big surprise.  She was early and Yvan was in Utah.  Umm...yeah.

My doctor and I chose to schedule to induce on August 1st to ensure that she came when Yvan was in town and had some time to spend with us before heading back out on the road again.  She was actually due on the 3rd.  So I called and made the appointment.  A day later, there would be no more waiting.  I spent most of Saturday, July 30th, running around Rockwall doing errands and then went to dinner with some friends.  I had been having Braxton Hicks for several months and didn't think anything about the minor contractions until about 10:30 that night when nothing helped them stop and they really started to hurt.

At 2:30 I called my doctor and she confirmed my suspicions.  I was officially in labor.  My next call went to Yvan who was about to book a hotel in Moab, Utah before completing the 19 hour drive on Sunday.  Imagine his surprise when the words, "Honey, I'm gonna need you to keep driving," came out of my mouth.  He promised to do his best and we hung up.  Then I cried.  Then I called my mom and cried some more.  I didn't think being all by myself would be that bad.  I was wrong!

After the phone calls, I settled down and did all of the things my doctor recommended to slow down my contractions.  It helped slow them back down to about 12 minutes apart.  Then I tried to get some sleep which really wasn't all that easy when the contractions start rolling in.  But, knowing I needed to rest for what was to come I did my best.

Luckily, my dad was on duty that night and came straight to my house when he got off.  An hour later my contractions were four minutes apart and had been for an hour straight.  Following my doctors orders, we headed to the hospital.  Even though I wasn't too far along my doctor had me checked in and after being examined let me know that I could have my epidural whenever I was ready.  It would slow down the labor process and give Yvan a little more time to get there.  Because she didn't want to risk accidentally breaking my water, that would be my last exam until he arrived.

My contractions were still bearable, but my mom suggested that I go ahead and request the epidural since it could be a while before they were able to administer it.  Plus, I figured why deal with pain if I didn't have to.  Turns out it only took about 15 minutes for the doc to arrive and contrary to popular belief it didn't hurt at all.  I mean, I didn't even feel it.  10 minutes later I didn't feel anything else either. It was absolutely lovely.  I spent the next several hours sleeping, watching the olympics and chilling with my mom and dad.

Yvan finally made it to the hospital at 4 that afternoon.  My amazing doctor broke my water and got me started on some pitocin and a couple hours later I was ready to go.  With mom and Yvan at my side, I pushed through about 6 contractions.  Because Miss Sienna wasn't getting her heart rate back up between contractions, I had to sit through some so it took a little longer than usual.  Still, forty minutes after I started it was all over with not a second of pain.

Sienna weighed in at 6lbs. 12oz. and was 19.5 inches long.  We got to spend some quality time with her in the delivery room before she was taken to the nursery to get cleaned up.

I know this wasn't some action packed dramatized birthing story, but I wanted everyone to know that things can in fact run smoothly during a delivery.  It can be painless and simple and wonderful.

Now recovery...that is another story entirely.  Lol.

Things A Pregnant Girl Loves

Pregnancy is an blessing...and a curse.  Unfortunately, the curse comes before the blessing so you spend a lot of time thinking: "What the hell have I gotten myself in to."

There are quite a few things that have or could make the experience seem much less cursed and much more blesssed.

Here some of my faves.

☆ Pregnancy pillow.

This thing rocks.  Though it is much too large to be a travel pillow.  It travels with me.  I have also, on more than one occasion, come home to find Yvan taking a nap in it.  A major must have.

☆ Bathroom stall doors that open out.

Really, even before I was pregnant there were times when I had to suck in so that the door could be shut.  Nothing is worse that straddling a toilet to shut a door.

☆ A foot rub.

Yvan apologizes to me every time he sees me get out of the shower.  Yes, a lot of this new body of mine is his fault.  But he makes up for it with foot rubs.  He's even stopped complaining about having to lay at the foot of the bed because I can no longer bring my foot up to meet his hands.  That should tell you a lot about my current figure.

☆ You always get to pick where to eat.

Lunch out with the coaches...they always defer to the pregnant girl.  Not that it really matters to me.  I'm gonna eat anything that is in front of me and possibly what's it in front of you.

☆ The return of common curtesy.

Doors have literally been opened, bags have been carried and ice cream has been bought.  Some older man actually bought me an ice cream at Braum's because, "you look like you need it."  Please refer back to "foot rubs" for reference to my figure.

☆ Mint Bliss™ Energizing Lotion

This Mary Kay product is a miracle worker.  I was in a wedding last weekend and I slathered this stuff on before the ceremony and reception and was able to wear my platform stilettos all night.  That was barely manageable before I was pregnant.

☆ Baby Showers

It is amazing how much weight is lifted after each shower.  The best part is getting things you didn't register for because you didn't know you should!

☆  Friends that are pregnant.

Advice, sympathy and empathy in one glorious package.  Gotta love that.

☆ Friends with babies.

Advice, sympathy and empathy in one glorious package.  Plus it gives me hope that my life might return to some kind of normal one day.  And by that I mean, I could really use a beer.

☆ My mother.

Advice, sympathy and empathy in one glorious package.  I might have made her crazy but she is keeping me sane right now!

My excuse is that I'm pregnant.

I've never been one to hold back an opinion, viewpoint, or random thought regardless of the company I'm with but lately it's just been ridiculous.  The great thing about being pregnant, however, is that people not only forgive me for the word vomit that seems to spew endlessly from my mouth, but they expect it.

Any slacking service provider, waitstaff, or random person is a target and they don't even have to be bothering me.  If they become a problem for anyone within the group I am accompanying, they are fair game.  And all eyes are on me to bring said offender's lack of attention, overzealousness, or downright bossy behavior to an agreeable level using any verbiage possible.  My trademark phrase has always been, "are you freaking kidding me."  Now its, "excuse me but why are you retarded?"  Which is always closely followed by anyone nearby with, " don't mess with the pregnant lady."

It's a good thing that most people are so understanding of my current state.  There was a pretty long adjustment period during that first trimester.  My darling husband found out real quick that asking me why I couldn't just get over it (referring to my crazy hormones) wasn't going to end well for him.  He's been dang near close to perfect since then.

Then there is the whole baby brain thing.  Losing things, forgetting things and apparently the inability to do basic math is normal.  But, what about spending 20 minutes shopping in Hobby Lobby before realizing that you not only left your keys in your car but that you left the dang thing running.  Sadly, I've caught myself getting out of my car while it was still running multiple time since then.

My excuse is that I'm pregnant.  Only 9 weeks until I'm out of excuses.  I guess I better make it count!

Classic Road Trip

This must have been one really long and boring trip.

I bet you laughed as hard as I did.

I Heart Pinterest

Pinterest might just be my favorite thing ever.

When first exploring this glorious site last summer, I was all caught up in pinning pictures to my "Dream Home" board or outfits that I love but would either look ridiculous on me or break my bank. Then...along came baby and I took to looking everyday for new posts of nursery ideas, rugs, lamps, bedding, curtains, furniture and the list just goes on.

 Most recently, and this might just be the nesting portion of my pregnancy kicking in, I LOVE the recipes. I have made it a goal to try at least one recipe each week. Sometimes its a main meal, sometimes its a dessert. If I'm feeling adventurous, I do one of each. They have all been well received by my hubby, who is a bit of a food snob. Anyone who happen to take a close look at my boards would quickly realize that the "Yummy in my Tummy" board is a total and complete contradiction of every picture on my "Don't be a Fatty" board. I will worry more about that sometime after August 3rd when eating right actually stands a chance against my ever growing preggo belly. Right now, my tummy is full and my hubby is happy, therefore I am content. Here are my current top 5.

 Cilantro Lime Dressing
 This was served over blackened tilapia tacos. YUMMMM.

Source: ourbestbites.com via Kristin on Pinteres

Roasted Sweet Potatoes.
I cut these up like french fries and they were even better. These have been requested twice since their original appearance.

Source: recipes.sparkpeople.com via Kristin on Pinterest

Blackened Chicken with Cilantro Lime Quinoa
Sensing a pattern with the cilantro lime?? One of my favorite combos.

Source: sarcasticcooking.com via Kristin on Pinterest

Grown Up Grilled Cheese
Yvan said this avocado, tomato & mozzarella sandwich was good enough to serve in a restaurant.

Source: anediblesymphony.blogspot.com via Kristin on Pinterest

Chicken Enchiladas
This was the very first recipe I tried and one of the main reasons the adventure started. So easy and so tasty. Just don't confuse a can of green chilis with a can of chopped jalopenos. Your tummy will enact a full on rebellion against you later.

Source: joyful-mommas-kitchen.blogspot.com via Kristin on Pinterest

So there is my top five and I didn't even include desserts. I'm telling you. Better than any cookbook. As a suggestion to Pinterest users...when you post a picture of food, tell me what it is. Obviously it looks yummy because it caught my attention, but I'm more likely to check it out if there is a description of the food!